Deep in my heart

To me , blogging is just like writing my diary. Its paperless and I don't really feel tired. As ideas coming out from my head and the words I wanted to write , it can be done in a moment. 

Today , 18th October 2017 on Wednesday at 4.56 p.m. I'm gonna tell you about my thoughts regarding love. It has been days since the hitea and I kept remembering the same thing. It is hard. Yes, I don't love him anymore but there is something fishy in my heart. I feel like it needed to go away from me but I don't want it. Its like I'm sad but at the same time I felt happy. Although I knew that he was just joking and making fun of me also its just for the show , literally felt like he was sincere. 

 As the first song finished , I looked at the rose and was like awkward then I gave the rose to my friend, Farisha. Then I continued singing the second song. As we finished doing our performance , I stepped down and he was sitting on the floor because he was watching me during the show. I'm not flattered but kinda hurt by his unthoughtful actions. His beloved was there and what he did was so rude because it would've hurt his girl. I was worried only that. I sat down at my table , my heartbeat was beating faster than ever and I felt like I got into a huge accident. Then I hurriedly went to the toilet with my girls. They were shocked because of his actions like its so immature and disrespectful.

Even if it was just for the show , why not the rose is given by somebody else? What is going on with him?

Not saying that he likes me because that is never gonna happen even for thousands years later. BUT , it happened and shocked me like hella shook. My girl bestfriends was shouting like 

"OH MY GOD AINA AINA AINA AINA OH MY GOD"

The whole ballroom was like shouting and some was like

"AW AWW AWWW"

I reacted so stupid which I didn't even realise that he was just playing around. He went to his girl on the left side of the stage and came back towards me with the rose. I rejected it because I felt stupid because I felt humilliated. When I rejected it , his face was shocked like

"Oh my!!! she doesnt want my flower"

And with an opened mouth he's reaction was priceless.

When I rejected his rose , someone shouted

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KENA TOLAK"

His face was so embarassed I guess,, and he was talking to the audience.

Due to humble and great kindness , I took the rose eventhough I felt like smashing it to his face but I couldn't because they were teachers that also attended to the hitea. Well he better thanked me though for saving his pride from people thats belittling him.

BUT , the rose is not with me anymore because I had my friend to throw it for me. Not needing it because I don't really like red rose because I'm more to white and blue roses. I actually prefer Dahlia Imperialis flower. Rose are too common and it symbolize as love.

To him , what happened was nothing but to me its a history that can never be forgotten. I mean this 7 years thing could be a book. It'll tell the story about an highschool ugly fat girl fallen in love at her early age of youth to a boy who never felt anything special about her. Its a highschool one-sided romance comedy , friendships and living life the fullest.

Prefects Hi-Tea 15 Oct 2k17

To describe the day , I won't say it is not fun at all because it was hella fun.

Arrived late at the venue around 3 p.m. and I was dressed in such a beautiful pink dress designed by my mother , wore a jewellery and high heels also I did my makeup. Mom lend me her Chanel shoulder pink bag which is really hot. As I walked into the hall , everyone was in awe. Ok that is what I thought. I was actually nervous because I had to sing and I chose two songs which is Hilang by Adira and How Far It'll Go By Moana.

 I took so much selfies and ootd pictures with them beloved prefects especiallly with my friends and them handsome boys in tuxedos and suits with bow ties looking like The Kingsman. The party themed was Masquerade whih is really nice but for me whos wearing spectacles , it is quite a bothersome. Thank you to the form 4 prefects for the most awesomest party this year because it rocks like literally rocks.

 I'm gonna miss my seniors that are leaving very soon and I can't seem to let them go yet. Thank goodness I had the chance to take photos with them and hoped that it will last forever. The memories I had with them is unforgettable. 

Apart from that , as I was singing solo the song called Hilang by Adira , the PA system suddenly stopped then it worked again then I was shook. My ex-crush was coming to me with a rose. Well , that went well, thank you dearest ex crush for your kind behaviour. 

It was a memorable moment for me although I've stopped everything well you know what it is. The rose was just a joke and its just for the show. Thanks and every prefects made my day.

So this is my moments with everyone.

Dorsett Putrajaya

Hi Abang Akmal , since you're leaving in a weeks ahead. I pray for you so that you'll have successful life and be happy.

Dress designed by : My Mama and Aunt Doris at her boutique

Material used for dress : Jakel Textile

Acessories : Swarovski and Lovisa

Shoes : Marie Claire at Bata

Hnadbag : Chanel

Shawl : You can find it everywhere actually

With my Kak Dina sayang thats just so so pretty.

Gonna miss you sister.

Lets rock the future together everyone and may Allah bless all of us

Don't look Don't stare . Hold on to yr dreams

I was having fun today at school. Alhamdulillah , there's no problem between me and my friends. As we finished our last subject , I was on my way to my additional class for PT3 , other forms was going back home except for the form 3 and 5 students. I was walking with Arinah and we were laughing so hard. Then I looked on my left side , I saw my ex crush on the second floor and he was looking at me. Since we have nothing left , I ignored and I told myself
  -" He's nobody , stranger and someone that will eventually destroy my happiness ". -

 Don't look Don't stare.
Have you ever experienced the same as I did? Did you handle it well? I hope you do handle it smoothly because if you don't , you'll be a laughing stock. I seriously hate that.

By the way , wish me luck for PT3 and hope that I get 10As

25th August 2017

25th August 2017, Friday. The date that I will never dare to forget. Its when thebangangs ended for good. We had a huge fight which it started because of me. Tiny problems but the impact was huge. I did wrong but I wasn't really mad about that little fact. It was really because of how I felt , people changed and maybe I do too. Eventhough the fight happens in such a harsh damn wrong way , it ended in a good damn right way. I do cherish my thebangangs but the more close we get , the more insecurities , fights and misunderstandings we have. Its just that simple to describe but its just so hard to experience it. I do wish that thebangangs lasted till jannah but without trust and Allah's blessing , how can we go on. I just hoped that they'll lead a good damn happy life. Friendships are worth it when it comes to them. All those laughter and stupidest moments , how could I ever forget. Even now, writing this , I'm smiling and laughing so damn hard.


25th August 2017 was also the day that I finally confront my ex crush. Had a help from my friend so yeah we met. I told him that I was sorry because I loved him for 7 years. Sorry that because of me , he had a rough time going on and told him that I was so damn hurt by what he said. He told his friends that I was the reason that his crush didn't like him back. Ok , he needs to realise that its karma.
But anyways , I don't care about him anymore or his life. What he wants to do , let it be. He's just nothing to me anymore. We promised to forget whatever that happened in the past , whatever that are related between us. Act like we're total strangers because it's even better that way. I have no hopes for him anymore and thats why I moved on. Its finished. Finally, WHAT I'VE WISHED FOR AND ITS GRANTED.

Its a special date to me , not because I still adore them but it's because there's so much of my wonderful moments spent with them in it. Yesterday , it's been one month since 25th August. How time flies. How people change unexpectedly and how feelings of love moved on so fast. Although it's hurtful , still I'm blessed and grateful that it happened anyway. At least , its an adventure for an adventurous queen like me.

May Allah bless us all muslims

love you , allysha

love you allysha comel. ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

allysha comel belum dapat hadiah lagi kan?

nak bagi ke tak nak eh?

chocolate ke kain kapan?

ke abg naz and jonathan?

M.E.L.B.O.U.R.N.E #1903

                                                                                                                                     
Second day. Amazing day. 

Had this one in Queen Elizabeth Victoria Market. You can buy souvenirs for your family and friends with an affordable price from 5$ to 8$ each. Depends on what they sell at the stall. They also sell delicious, sweet fruits that are fresh. Trust me, the strawberries I had was lit.

I'm so in love like deeply obsessed with sunglasses and that stall that I went just like in the picture sold the sunglasses to me 15$ each. Again, affordable price that makes me happy. Plus , that's my darling gurlgurls behind me. The owner was also a very nice man with good sense of humor.

After that , we went to Panny's Chocolate Factory in Phillip Island. I bought two chocolates for my little brother. I knew he loved the dolphins. I bought an ice cream for myself. The journey took 3 hours to reach the islands from Victoria Market. We went there by bus.

My ootd photo session was interrupted by Nandos. Lol. I wore that beautiful orange dress from Monki to visit the island which is Phillip Island and Churchill Island.

I looked damn fat tho. So that's Nandos , my roommate. Nobbies Ocean Discovery Centre was amazing. I loved the ocean and the winds that hit me like I really felt all the cold breeze and making me wanting to stay there a little bit longer.

NOBBIES OCEAN DISCOVERY CENTRE 

This view. Masya Allah.

At Phillip Island, to watch the penguin parade. Sorry guys , phones and cameras was not allowed during the show so we couldn't record it. We had dinner and their fish and chips with salads was sumptuous .

SEKOLAH MENENGAH KEBANGSAAN CYBERJAYA

GROUP PHOTO IN PHILLIP ISLAND

My teachers and friends taking some pictures before we board the bus.

This shot was taken at the Koala Conservation Centre Phillip Island.

The koala was sleeping but we spotted them and they looked so cute.

M.E.L.B.O.U.R.N.E #1803

This shot was taken nearby. It was after our tour at the Parliament House of Victoria.

Had this one in front of the place where I stayed which is Aura Flinders. The room was lit and it can be shared by 9 to 10 people each room. The price was also very affordable.

First selfie I had near my hotel. Was waiting for the tram with my baes.

Spotted a limousine near the Parliament House and I took the chance to take some shots. Bruh , wht yr doin? majalsssss

I love the horse and its just so gorgeous but the price to enjoy the ride was killing me.

   

He adored me.

He looked  . He stared  . He glanced  . 

He was perfect , I defined him as perfect even if its not true. To be honest , 7 years of loving you , I wasn't waiting  nor hoping for you to come to me. I wished you know what I felt but you don't care. You comforted  me but then you humiliated me and you even killed me, my soul. I was honest with you but did you? I don't know what phrase that suits the situation between us. I kept asking myself numerous time if you ever loved me as much as I do. You gave me an answer that keeps me holding onto the things I shouldn't. 

I've got to thank Charlie Puth though. Why? Because his newest song called 'Attention' is the right way to describe what we have now. Maybe or just really , you just want my attention but not my heart? Why? Is it a fatal flaw to love you? I can be nice and  relaxed if you want me to but don't put me beneath you. I didn't get down to reach your hands to get up with me. I loved you? yes. But it doesn't make any sense if you keep trying to keep me when you don't even need me.

5.3.10.58

I've been walking on this path for 15 years  long,

7 years had passed and I'm still holding on, 

Is it me who's being greedy or is it us who never wanted to put a stop?

Sometimes, when our eyes meet, I stop breathing

I could still feel the air coming but its not flowing,

When I catch you staring at me, you looked away,

Sometimes, I wondered am I that ugly in a sway.

I know you cared, but you don't have to,

I sang the song so that you know I'm in phase two,

This phase was meant to happen so that I could move on.

But how I regret everything when I saw your response.

The first chocolate chip you gave to me was Famous Amos,

Though I had to pay for it , those biscuits was the latest,

You walked to me, holding a basket full of chocolate chips,

I was in awe for that moment when it happened and I hid.

We're the total jerks, trust me because it's true,

Our own ego was blinding us through,
But damn, yours was higher than mine.
Blinded by love , I expect everything is fine.

Moments that are beautiful happened between us,

It's just a secret kept hidden behind our mask,

I just hope you never take me  for granted,

Showing the love for you , I wanted to obliviate.

We keep on hurting and blaming each other,
Defending our self righteous ,
Not that I never know how persistent we can be,
But when we felt tired , we let it go on with dreams.

I do love you , but there are times when I'm tired,
So I prayed, asking for help , so that I won't be led,
To those nightmares that has been haunting me,
Before you enter my life , indeed.

I am not the reason of why they never love you,
And of course , it's your fault,
Not what I plot.
Think twice , did you try your best or they was forced by you.

Karma happens,
''You will fall in love with someone who never loves you for not loving someone who did".
And it's not what I ask for,
It is what you get from. 

Don't expect too much from me,

It'll be a fatal flaw if you did,

So please, I beg you , for the last time,

Let go of me.

We both know you never love me so why keep me?

Let the scars heal me , I was the one in fault.